Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize