making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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