Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
