We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
