I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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