So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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