dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
