You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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