Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I got inside last night via doggy door
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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