When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
