Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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