i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
