Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
