I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize