i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
BRING THE BAGELS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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