Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
