Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
