can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
