no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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