Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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