If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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