I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize