Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Can Purell be used as lube?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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