Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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