Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
