i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
