Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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