walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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