she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
