I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
