I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
