I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
