I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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