I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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