Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
