I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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