My friends, they love my intelligence
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
