Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
