yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
