I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
