Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
