My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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