I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
