Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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(817): View more from Texas

So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.

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