3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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