Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
