Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
