ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
