don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
