If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
