I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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