dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
