I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
