DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
