No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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