respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
