When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
