If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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