I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize