Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Tell her she can't have a vagina
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
