I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
