My liver just broke up with me...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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