Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
